To be or not to be...
... NO this isn't a leap onto the bandwagon of procrastination on the frailty of existence, ignited by the death of an icon (Mikey J - previous owner of my personal hero Bubbles) This is a blog about marriage. Primarily driven by the fact that my oldest friend is getting married today and that its f*cking freaking me out. Not in the sense that I don't believe in it as a valid social construct as yeah, it has its uses e.g. no man is doing a Buddha and leaving me high and dry with kids and no financial support - THAT'S for sure (ah if you do detect a cynical lilt on this said construct- you're DAMN right!) - NO the reason it freaking me out like is that I have watched the deconstruction of a person's individuality with my own eyes, driven by the hellish bent they have to strive for such a union. As Britney says TOXIC
It’s seen so often. All this “s/he (or heshe) completes me“, “they're my other half “(cue canned laughter), “my better half” etc, etc.. As Britney said CRAZY, and I tend to agree. Its really interesting how much people seem to gravitate to these proclamations with a feverous romantic notion that is based around an admittance that they simply can’t be without this other simbiant being. I have no problem with the joy brought from togetherness but its when this comes at the sacrifice of something so powerful as one’s independence and ownership of oneself that I come undone. God I sound so cynical, I’m aware all marriages aren’t a product of this but the one I witnessed today was definitely a paid up member to this club… and it was someone I thought I knew - SHE Was the troublemaking rebel of my youth and now … is now an ‘Us’ leaving a ‘Me’ firmly behind her own and mine… STRANGE and even as Brittney said ‘OUTRAGEOUS’
... But you ca't begudge a happiness wherever it finds its roots ... christ the Chinese in me is back again! ARGH!
When the chips have come down, the tears have flooded into rivers of mucus , and words have been spoken honestly, pride and self realisation have smacked, I’ve been there to listen. Then as fast as the tears and rivers dried, she’s fallen out of my life as I’m not part of that ‘Us.’ I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, we spent many a merry year joined at the flowery dress and ripped fishnet laden hips, but hey I know she’s happy in a world I don’t understand…
My GOD what do I know - her mother took pleasure in telling me as her daughter took to her first dance - can’t even remember what song it was I was too busy in the toilets trying to forget where I was. They had a discussion that resulted in them both saying I was too independent to get married… This is something I’ve heard before - from 100% of my immediate family - and now my best mate's Mum. I think they gave up when I discovered a love of heavy metal and started collecting newts, got a recent addition to that collection actually…
I admit one of the hardest things for me in a new relationship, if love comes biting at your ankles is the loss of control you have of yourself as you fall deeper into the abyss. It’s a beautifully painful journey somewhere between getting hit by a bus and skydiving - will that scrunched up nylon open and save you, or remain closed and be a bystander to the messy curtailment of any Walpoling activities? Its had when you feel the first flush ,not to think and give yourself up to it and immerse yourself into a new ‘Us’ forgetting an ‘Me’ and ‘You,’ this third entity that comes forth from two questionable beings and runs amok, fucks with your body, mind and soul in equal measure of pleasure and some twisted pleasurable pain - addictive but sometimes secretly so whilst feelings remain guarded. But what it leaves you with is so amazing in my experience is a new found respect for you, this new thing ‘Us’ and most importantly yourself where invisible boundaries are founded over these newfound feelings of trust and respect. Its unintelligible a concept to me to even couldn’t even contemplate a resignation of the sense of self for something so dependant on a sense of self - GOD it’s the witching hour and far too late for discussion of such notions… I’m hopeless and a romantic - despite how it may seem … i'm hopfully off to dream about balloons and cakes and a handsome saviour from myself on a white stallion - isn't that how Napoleon Dynamite ends?!
... all in all, man, what a strange day, a Britney said ‘I’m a slave 4 u’ … or not as the case may be
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER
I'll leave you with something tropical and tastefull from Brits and K-Fed
It’s seen so often. All this “s/he (or heshe) completes me“, “they're my other half “(cue canned laughter), “my better half” etc, etc.. As Britney said CRAZY, and I tend to agree. Its really interesting how much people seem to gravitate to these proclamations with a feverous romantic notion that is based around an admittance that they simply can’t be without this other simbiant being. I have no problem with the joy brought from togetherness but its when this comes at the sacrifice of something so powerful as one’s independence and ownership of oneself that I come undone. God I sound so cynical, I’m aware all marriages aren’t a product of this but the one I witnessed today was definitely a paid up member to this club… and it was someone I thought I knew - SHE Was the troublemaking rebel of my youth and now … is now an ‘Us’ leaving a ‘Me’ firmly behind her own and mine… STRANGE and even as Brittney said ‘OUTRAGEOUS’
... But you ca't begudge a happiness wherever it finds its roots ... christ the Chinese in me is back again! ARGH!
When the chips have come down, the tears have flooded into rivers of mucus , and words have been spoken honestly, pride and self realisation have smacked, I’ve been there to listen. Then as fast as the tears and rivers dried, she’s fallen out of my life as I’m not part of that ‘Us.’ I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, we spent many a merry year joined at the flowery dress and ripped fishnet laden hips, but hey I know she’s happy in a world I don’t understand…
My GOD what do I know - her mother took pleasure in telling me as her daughter took to her first dance - can’t even remember what song it was I was too busy in the toilets trying to forget where I was. They had a discussion that resulted in them both saying I was too independent to get married… This is something I’ve heard before - from 100% of my immediate family - and now my best mate's Mum. I think they gave up when I discovered a love of heavy metal and started collecting newts, got a recent addition to that collection actually…
I admit one of the hardest things for me in a new relationship, if love comes biting at your ankles is the loss of control you have of yourself as you fall deeper into the abyss. It’s a beautifully painful journey somewhere between getting hit by a bus and skydiving - will that scrunched up nylon open and save you, or remain closed and be a bystander to the messy curtailment of any Walpoling activities? Its had when you feel the first flush ,not to think and give yourself up to it and immerse yourself into a new ‘Us’ forgetting an ‘Me’ and ‘You,’ this third entity that comes forth from two questionable beings and runs amok, fucks with your body, mind and soul in equal measure of pleasure and some twisted pleasurable pain - addictive but sometimes secretly so whilst feelings remain guarded. But what it leaves you with is so amazing in my experience is a new found respect for you, this new thing ‘Us’ and most importantly yourself where invisible boundaries are founded over these newfound feelings of trust and respect. Its unintelligible a concept to me to even couldn’t even contemplate a resignation of the sense of self for something so dependant on a sense of self - GOD it’s the witching hour and far too late for discussion of such notions… I’m hopeless and a romantic - despite how it may seem … i'm hopfully off to dream about balloons and cakes and a handsome saviour from myself on a white stallion - isn't that how Napoleon Dynamite ends?!
... all in all, man, what a strange day, a Britney said ‘I’m a slave 4 u’ … or not as the case may be
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER
I'll leave you with something tropical and tastefull from Brits and K-Fed
posted by Empress at 10:33 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home